Sunday, August 14, 2011
Messy lives. We all have them but pretend that we don’t. Maybe not all, but a lot of us like to hide them. It’s all about vulnerability really – we don’t want it. The reality though, is that without vulnerability we won’t get very far in life.
And that statement has proven to be so true in the few weeks I’ve been married, because marriage is tough. Oh so tough.
Get two completely different people under a roof and you will get a recipe for chaos. There are some funny chaotic situations, like telling your wife at 11pm that we are supposed to bring a side dish to a party the next day, leaving this wanting-to-prove-she’s-a-good-wife woman virtually no time to make anything. But then you run to publix to get some hot wings and sigh with relief when realizing that we are in America, so if you bring any dish primarily made of wings to a party… people will eat them!
And then you have some nasty chaotic situations, like the ones where tears brake lose and other places seem to do so also. The kind that drain you, and leave your heart hurting. The kind we wish never took place. The kind that makes marriage so, so difficult, and the transition from independence and not having to really care that much about another’s problem far from easy. But well, what do we expect? We are human.
Throw in your fears, baggage, insecurities, upbringing, past, dreams, needs, desires, schedules, responsibilities, jobs, families, and preferences – and things will surely be confusing and difficult to figure out.
On top of it all, attacks come subtly but swiftly soon after the “I do.” From all sides. Whether it’s a combination of all the things mentioned above at the worst possible time, or us, saying something without thinking of the consequence, or even others talking about something they know nothing about – and then it will get even more difficult.
I honestly had never known this kind of relationship, this kind of intimacy. It is tough, it is tiring. But at the end of the day, it is SO WORTH IT.
Why? Because this kind of thing is truly amazing and it is really about an adventurous learning experience about love and what it implies. The fact that he is my best friend makes it so much easier. The fact that we serve the same God, who convicts us individually and together, is what gives us peace after those crazy fights.
It is truly something beautiful. Even in the little things, like when he surprises me with a sketch of 52 things he loves about me after a long day at work. Or like finding out a new way of loving my husband and thanking him for being who he is. And even finding that if I speak in a really high pitched voice and I squish his cheeks together he will blush like a two year old and I will giggle like a middle school girl. I absolutely love it, and there is no one I would rather share my life with.
So here’s to marriage: a messy but wonderful thing. Something that these words do not do justice to. Something that still seems so surreal but every day is so real. And here’s to my husband: A loving and lovable amazing man, whom I completely admire and makes me want to be a better wife everyday.
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